Old Missoula

The “Fountain of Youth”
Is in the Northwest Territory of Canada.
Contributed to the New North-West by “C. S.”
On or about the 26th day of November, 1879, we were traveling, en route from Fort Walsh, in the Northwest Territory, to a small trading post owned by Johnny Kennedy, just beyond the boundary. Having crossed the Cypress mountains, we left all beaten trails and shaped our course, over a hilly and cut-up section of country, by landmarks well known to K., who was with us, and generally rode in advance, acting as guide. This day, when we were nearing the north fork of Milk river, and were at a point about twelve miles west from the regular wagon road, Johnny stopped and requested me to diverge from the course and follow him with the team a short distance, to what he termed
“A NATURAL CURIOSITY.”
We soon arrived at a small spring-branch, the water of which was running, although everywhere else in this region the streams were frozen solidly. This was in itself a novelty, and I supposed a hot spring. Dipping up a cup full of the sparkling water, upon which and surrounding objects the sun seemed to shine with unusual brilliancy, Johnny asked me to take a good square drink. First inserting my finger into the cup as a precautionary measure, (I had been fooled once before), and then taking a slight sip, I found nothing extraordinary about it and emptied the cup in a few swallows. You will taste it after awhile, said K., and upon desiring an explanation, he stooped and handed me several pebbles, blades of grass and pieces of hard ground, all of which I found, upon inspection, to be
COATED WITH SOME METALIC SUBSTANCE
resembling in appearance new cast iron. Everything touched by these waters was thus plated. I placed several trifles in my pockets to find out the nature of the matter by analysis when I returned to Montana, and forgot all about the cup full I had imbibed for several hours. Then I began to perceive a strong taste of metal in my mouth, which grew stronger as I inhaled the frosty air, and a vague suspicion began to pervade me that my interior was
UNDERGOING THE PLATING PROCESS,
and that the natural channels and receptacles inside of me were receiving a “hard finish.” My voice also assumed a change, and when in camp that night I hastily swallowed a cup of boiling hot tea, and it did not scald me in the least, but seemed to distribute an even and generous warmth, owing to the conducting power of the metal with which I felt convinced now that I was lined. Upon a statement of my condition to K., he laughingly remarked that he guessed it would not kill me, and that he had purposely selected me for an experiment. As time went by
THE INCRUSTATION HARDENED,
and I could swallow pins, needles and pieces of chewed up tumblers with the impunity of an ostrich – and I was not very sorrow (sic) now, because, being an “old-timer,” the natural coating of my stomach and bowels had been burnt out by early frontier whiskey, and the wonderful spring had given me renewed youth, as it were, and a power of endurance unequalled by any old toper of my acquaintance. Arriving at Benton in December, I began to experiment in earnest. I could take
THREE DRINKS OF TRADE WHISKEY
in rapid succession, without wincing; and a pint or so of raw alcohol imparted only a ticklish sensation, and I was admired for my “cast-iron” qualities. Unfortunately my condition created a taste for experimenting, and upon every chance and occasion I would imbibe the most fiery (sic) stimulants to make sure that my armor was not impaired.
Five years have flown since I took the miraculous draught, and I was happy in my indulgences. But last year the Coeur d’Alene managers introduced liquids, distilled on purpose to stimulate the mining stampede. Many a poor fellow was downed by wetting his whistle – and I should have been cautious; but I had become careless of consequences – and after listening to a long and dry Democratic speech, in last October, I recklessly poured down immense quantities of the new poisons, and found myself next morning completely used up with
MY METALIC INSIDE DISSOLVED.
Compelled to go it on cold water now, I have nevertheless resolved to revisit the restorative spring at the earliest possible opportunity, and before it is appropriated by some selfish monopolist, and then and there drink a sufficient quantity of the water to give me armor to last as long as it may be required.
The above article appeared in The New North-West of Deer Lodge on December 19, 1884.